Blog 13-01-2017 – Emotional effects

I’ve been reading a lot of books, articles and course on learning, as I am in that mode it works out for me to learn how to learn, what I need to do to learn, its not just about gathering facts, its also about having the correct mental attitude. The ability to tune your emotions to the learning, so that you learn the most at the right times. Its not easy, and as someone who suffers from Bipolar, I also find it hard to control the chemical changes this brings me. Its all about control, and control can only be within yourself, people post and comment about such things and most even the people considered experts know very little about what each individual suffer goes through, specially as I know I don’t tell anyone, not even my family most of the thoughts I have, if I did they would be worried, so I keep them to myself, or my journal. Gathering thoughts, over thinking, are not problems, as long as you have control of them, over the last 10 years I’ve been doing that, its been hard but it has begun to have an effect.

I write a journal, I write pages and pages and most of it is my emotions at that moment, my thoughts, my ideas, my life. I discuss it with myself, because that is the way you learn, you have to learn about yourself, how you do things. You can take in some input from those around you, but only you know yourself. Only you care about yourself. My learning is getting better, specially as I learn more scientific methods to do things. It allows me to step back and look at myself from a distance. I spend more time lately, with myself, thinking, planning, judging my actions, my thoughts, my life. Its not been nice a lot of the time, I am my worst critic, and that is how it should be, after all I am only human, a species that has not even been on the planet log enough to have a fossil record, not even a blip on the evolutionary scale. A dot in an infinite universe, so as serious as I am about everything, none of it matters in the long term, not for another billion years, and I won’t be part of any of this by then I suggest. So I will continue to make small changes to my mental health, my way, not the way people who don’t understand anything about it, and that includes the experts who get paid to know, they don’t, they change their opinions so much because they don’t really understand, and that is because none of this is understandable unless the truth is told, and no sufferer is able to tell that truth, because only they know.


Author: noobenforcer

Developer, dreamer, Blogger, micro-electronics engineer, atheist, sad dad dancer, stargazer, guitar basher. gamer, reader, walker, gardener and homebrewer.